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What Do You Mean, I’m Not a Wife???

By: Samantha Strahan

I honestly believe that I was created to be a wife.

I wasn’t slapped in the face with that epiphany until here recently. I was having a conversation with my man crush about something totally unrelated. He called and I answered (as I always do when he calls), even though I was in the middle of a sewing project. When I told him what I was up to he said, “You sew too? Damn! Your mama raised you a wife!”

It was like a cold glass of water to a sleeping man but, the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was true. My parents raised my brother and I in a household where there were definite gender roles: He went to work, she took care of the house. And taking care of the house included cooking, cleaning, sewing, decorating, crocheting... All of the skills that she instilled in me. So I was raised by a woman that was a wife.

But, if that’s the case, then why am I divorced?

This is another irritating truth that has been nagging the recesses of my mind since my conversation with the Man Crush. If I have both wifely skills as well as wifely desires, why am I no longer a wife?

Well, other than the fact that my Starter Husband wanted to continue dating other women even though we were married, I would have to assume that it’s because it’s not time for me to be married again. No matter how much I want it, or feel I deserve it, it’s not time.

Okay, but in the meantime...what is a woman to do?

I can wife myself.

Stay with me here. I have a point.

“Self-care” is a term that has become a household term in the last year, and for good reason. It’s important for everyone! If you can’t love yourself, how can you truly love another person? How can I expect to have a successful marriage if I didn’t use this valuable time to care for myself? So, this lesson was selfish.

It was specifically for me.

I made a vow with myself to get reacquainted with myself and love myself the way I would want my husband to love me. I began giving myself extra attention. Here are a few of the habits that I began to implement:

  • Better keeping my home clean and organized.

  • Working out and practicing clean eating, taking vitamins and drinking more water.

  • I stopped drinking Pepsi.

  • Getting a good night’s sleep every night and moisturizing.

  • Meditating

  • Being more focused on my dream: books and blogging.

  • Fixing my finances and working on establishing better credit.

I’m doing everything I can to be the best me that I can be.

And it’s not just because I want to be a wife. Don’t get me wrong. I still want to get married again...but when I decided to focus on me, I realized something. I love Sam! I have learned so much about the woman that I have evolved into. She is smart and cool and funny and witty and attractive and talented. She knows what she likes and doesn’t like. She is so much more than a wife. I fell in love with myself. I stopped worrying about the missing he. He will come when God gets good and ready for me to have him. Until then, I am really enjoying my own company.

I hope that I have encouraged you to do the same...

Meet Sam!

Samantha Strahan is a single mother of five amazing kids, living on the Southside of Chicago, IL.

Her first novel The Never List is now available in print and digital copy on Amazon.com. The sequel, The Marriage List, is set to be released Summer, 2019. You can also find her daily rants and Floating Fiction Book Reviews on her blog, Damn It, Sam.

Follow Sam on Instagram and SnapChat @ShesStillSam

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