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Tongue Game On Point: Lessons from Year 1 of Marriage



Before I begin, I’m going to kindly ask you to get your mind of the gutter. Yes, YOU. It’s okay — you don’t have to admit that you took it there. Just know that I know!


Now that I’ve brought you back to reality, lets have some real talk. What do I mean when I say tongue game on point? Well, allow me to explain!


Hubby and I are approaching our one year anniversary of marriage *cues Tony! Toni! Toné!*. As you can imagine, we’ve learned so much about each other. I didn’t think it was possible because we lived together prior to marriage but I guess there’s always more to learn. After all, all that changed is that we have a legal document that calls us married, right? — WRONG!


There was one major change that happened and it was our tongue game. Do you need help getting your mind back out of the gutter? I’m talking about COMMUNICATION people! This concept involves more than just speaking. Communication involves speech and body language as well.


Like any other couple, we have rough patches. The key is to communicate effectively in order navigate those rough patches. That’s why I’m sharing some tips I picked up over the past year with you —


  1. Communicate your needs clearly. Closed mouths don’t get fed and to my knowledge, none of us are mind readers.

  2. Listen to understand — not to respond.

  3. Pay as much attention to non-verbal communication as you do verbal communication. Just be careful to not overthink it (which I'm guilty of but always working on).

  4. Take the time to honor your feelings before reacting to them too quickly. That way, you’re more likely to communicate facts and not emotion.

  5. Always consider your spouse’s feelings — s/he may feel the same way but may not know when or how to communicate it.

  6. Always approach conversations about issues with solutions — it reduces the perception that you’re placing blame.

  7. Be open to solutions that might not totally be what you had in mind — COMPROMISE.



When it comes to communication in a marriage or in any relationship, think of it like a “self-driving” car. Once you know how to make it work, it will operate properly — as long as you set it up to do so. However, you still have to be prepared to takeover at any time to make sure it stays on the path you set.


Happy Communicating!


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